1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Previously on Bill and John… 2 00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:09,500 Gentlemen, we’ve just received these pictures of the Z-15 Soviet prototype. 3 00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:11,800 NATO codename: “FISTUL” 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,200 Huh... if I may say, Sir... 5 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:17,400 ...that looks a lot like one of our F-15s, doesn’t it? 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,700 Thanks to our sources, 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,700 we were able to pinpoint the convoy’s itinerary. 8 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,400 The exchange of the plans will occur 9 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,700 in this building at 2100. 10 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,200 - One last thing, Lieutenant... - Yes, Sir? 11 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:31,600 - I love your tie. - Thank you, Sir. 12 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,300 Springfield to Bravo One, 13 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,800 we have two bogeys bearing 250 at 750 knots... 14 00:00:35,830 --> 00:00:38,100 Negative, Springfield, negative! 15 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,160 There’s nothing on my radar... 16 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,900 Breaking right and up to 350. Over! 17 00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:44,700 Hey Major Tom! 18 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,400 We meet again... 19 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,800 ...but this time, I have a big gun. 20 00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:50,900 Ramon Balthazar, don’t be childish. 21 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,000 Put the gun down. 22 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,900 If you shoot at this altitude, we’re all doomed. 23 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,900 Ramon, you fucking ass! 24 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,400 I’m hit! 25 00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,000 I’ve got two FISTULs on my ass! 26 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:06,600 I’m loosing control! I can’t get out of this spin! 27 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,900 General, the President on the line for you. 28 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,100 Operation Barracuda has just begun. 29 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,800 What the fuck! 30 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:18,800 MO-THER-FUCK-ER! 31 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,900 That’s fucking beautiful! 32 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,300 Hey, John! 33 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,100 See, even after all these years... 34 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,800 ...I’ll never get tired of it. 35 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,200 - And then it make me wonder... - Bill! 36 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,200 You piss me off! 37 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,800 You’ve been pissing me off for ages... 38 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,600 ...but now you’re really pissing me off. 39 00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:36,100 You yell and yell... 40 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,800 ...it pisses me off hearing you yelling from the minute you get up... 41 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,800 and you... you... 42 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,700 and you yell... 43 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:46,400 You never shut up. 44 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,600 Well. 45 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,900 You’re in a great mood this morning... 46 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,900 - ...we’re gonna have a great day. - But do you realize that because of you... 47 00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:56,400 ...we’re stuck in these shit wrecks! 48 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,100 Bill, shut up! 49 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,100 Stop whining John... 50 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,600 These planes aren’t so bad. 51 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,200 They’re elegant... 52 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,800 Well armed... 53 00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:15,400 Easy... 54 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:17,600 ...to handle. 55 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,700 Ejectable pleather bucket seats... 56 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,600 High precision analog instruments... 57 00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,300 Manoeuvrable... 58 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,100 Retractable landing gear... 59 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,700 ...and telescopic ladder. 60 00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:38,300 Wheel tread: 14 feet 8 inches, 11 weapon pylons... 61 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,700 Bravo 1 and Juliette 2, you are clear to line up on runway 27. 62 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,560 Ok, roger ma’am. 63 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,800 And hurry up, the instructor’s waiting for you up there. 64 00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,000 Alright. 65 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,600 We’ll show that sucker what the stuff we’re made of. 66 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,000 For Christ’s sake! You think this is a frat party or what? 67 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,200 Turn that raucous music off! 68 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,800 You should have been up here 2 minutes ago! 69 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,600 So get your dirty baby butts up here! 70 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,000 Have I made myself clear, private? 71 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,100 Yes Sir, perfectly clear. 72 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:13,100 Right! Let’s review the main points of your first mission: Ground Attack 101. 73 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,800 In my finger's direction, and after a standard take-off... 74 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,500 ...proceed hastily to shooting range B-53. 75 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,500 Then move into attack pattern Delta... 76 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:26,300 ...and use your laser seekers to target these T-80 tanks. 77 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:31,500 Then, engage those bastards with your AGM-65 missiles. 78 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:36,400 Once done, we’ll carry out a synchronised Mk-82 bombing. 79 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,400 On my mark! 80 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,130 We’ll drop the entire load on the Omega factory for a major clusterfuck... 81 00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:44,300 ...like the fucking fireworks on the fucking 4th of July! 82 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,600 Have I made myself clear, soldiers? 83 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,300 Sir yes Sir! It’s all very clear… We’re on our way. 84 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,700 What the heck is Mk-82? 85 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,500 Sir, I can’t find the Mk-82 factory on my map. 86 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,400 Chill out! 87 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,700 And get your lily-white asses up here! 88 00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:01,000 Over and out! 89 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,000 Juliette 2 from control, you are clear for take off. 90 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,300 Roger, I’m taking off. 91 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:13,500 Alright now, let me see... Slowly give it some gas... 92 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,500 ...and ease up on the brakes. 93 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,100 Wrong switch. 94 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,300 So... brake, switch... 95 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:22,500 ...and releasing brakes. 96 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,000 Wrong switch again. 97 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:31,960 Oh right... There it is. ...and let up on the brakes. 98 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,000 General, I’ve got the situation well under control. 99 00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:13,100 I’ve got these two headstrong soldiers under my belt. 100 00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:43,000 We’ve arrived at your ranch, General. 101 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,400 I’ll be waiting in the car if you wish. 102 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,400 Holy cow! 103 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,400 What’s this mess? 104 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,100 Holy fucking cow! 105 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,500 Bill! If you make a left turn while heading 90, you’ll be going North! 106 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,100 I’ve told you that a hundred times! 107 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,700 Hold on, we went north, turned left... 108 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,900 ...south, turned right... then straight ahead. 109 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:26,000 - According to my calculations, we’re in sector B-53. - B-53 my ass! 110 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,600 You’ve always sucked at navigating anyway... 111 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,600 ...mister "let-me-take-the-map". 112 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,000 You can’t even tell your right from your left... 113 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,400 ...like the day we went to IKEA... 114 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,900 ...took you 3 hours to find the quilt cover section... 115 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,300 - ... you never were able to find... - BORING! 116 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,200 - Holy shit, that’s Tom! Hey Tom! - ... like I care about quilt covers anyway... 117 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,900 Take a look at my classy new plane! 118 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:48,100 It’s the "crème de la crème" of the Air Force! 119 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,600 ...the king of ground attack... 120 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,800 ...a top of the line flying chick magnet! 121 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,100 Hey, get this: 11 weapon pylons... 122 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:58,200 ...telescopic pleather bucket seats... 123 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,300 ...ejectable ladder... 124 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,700 ...and switches all over! 125 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,500 That shut you up, didn’t it? 126 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,700 Tom, you wouldn’t be jealous, would you? 127 00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:10,200 - Oh, you’re jealous! - C’mon Bill, let him be. 128 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,500 Can’t you see he couldn’t give a shit? 129 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,900 Let’s get out of here. 130 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:17,400 Acting like a big-shot, drinking beers in that wreck... 131 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,000 ...but actually he’s jealous! 132 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,900 What a loser! 133 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,500 You cyclist. 134 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:26,400 I too can open a beer if I want to... 135 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,500 - No Bill, you can’t. - Of course I can! 136 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,350 Bill, drop the beer! 137 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,600 - No! - C’mon... 138 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,200 Nope! 139 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,000 Bill? 140 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,500 I don’t care, I’m opening it. 141 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,800 Oh shii-iit, my beer! 142 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,200 I’ve got it all over everything! 143 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,600 Bill, what’s going on? 144 00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:50,400 John, I have a problem... it’s my beer can 145 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,000 Bill, calm down! 146 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:55,500 - Ok, I see you... - John, there’s something wrong... 147 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,200 What’s that on your canopy? 148 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,600 - Shit! I can’t see a thing! - Calm down! 149 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:03,700 John, there’s foam everywhere! Get me some paper towels, quick! 150 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:07,500 Take a deep breath! We’re gonna get through this! 151 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,000 Give me your heading, speed and altitude... 152 00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:13,000 - I’m going down, John! - Calm down, maintain your altitude... 153 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:15,500 - I’m such an asshole! - Bill, pull up... 154 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,900 - Oh fuck, my flight suit! - I said: Pull up! 155 00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:21,600 - But not too much... - What are all these alarms? 156 00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:23,700 - A little bit to the right... - Jesus, what a mess! 157 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,000 Put your stick to the right! 158 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,000 - Don’t move! You’re doing just fine. - It’s sticky. IT SMELLS! 159 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,900 - Ok. Now you’re upside down... - Shit, I ruined my flight suit! 160 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,700 - I’m going down! - It’s over, nothing can be done! Eject! 161 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,300 - Bill, eject! Eject now! - They’re gonna kill me! 162 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,900 I don’t want to hear about it! Eject now! 163 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,900 EJECT! EJECT! BILL! 164 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,100 And ‘cause it was night, I couldn’t see anything! 165 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,100 We’d been eating shit for four days... 166 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:05,200 - ... and I can still hear him singing: “Row, row, your boat...” - Control to Canary One, come in. 167 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,400 Do you read me, Canary One? 168 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:16,000 Captain, be reasonable, you have to come in now.